Totally clueless

This is feel so real, I know the fact that I am losing you.
I don't know and I am dying to know the reason..
But I don't have a guts to ask you, I just want you to know that I am still waiting for the explanation..

This is so cliche but I feel it, I am sad knowing that you turn your back on me..
and I was reading someone's blog, he wrote about 82 pages and some of his writing feel so real to me.. It is really happen around us, happened to me and it's possibly happened to you too..
He quote one of Mark Conrad book saying that

“We need distraction, illusion and self deception, to keep our self away from the ''painful realities of life''”

and hell yeah all I need is a big distraction, cause when I feel like I am moved on, I will feel so damn good relief.. no I won't moving on, you are a thing that should be constant in my life. What makes you unstable?? me clueless here. TALK TO ME!

There's something I wanted to ask you!
are you up to something?
You do this on purpose right?
you never mean to do that things, right?
you want me to feel something, aren't you?
because you know that I can't live without you, my only one sharing partner..
If you leave me so I will run to you and begging you like a puppy dying to be adopt..
seriously, are you up to something?
cause I will do that, if you want me to.. I'll do anything to have you back in my life
just don't be so hard on me.. you are cold.