speechless

Today, I went to MMC hospital to visit my close dean at campus. Rumor has it she's in coma, and thank God she's not!
She got Carsinoma Cell Squamose, a cancer word that contain "oma" means it's malignant.
Whether it's malignant or it is benign it still a scary word for me. The one that strike her is recurent cancer. After treatment it seems heal, but couple months later it goes striking again.

A year ago she did everything to help us doing our research. I remember every moment we've spent with her, sacrificing her pain to help us reach our goal which is Scientific Research Competition in Asia Pacific Dental Student Association Congress. She gave us idea about the research, help us getting a great lab in Puspiptek, accompany us to finish it all, and finally we get into that SRC, it's all because of her! A couple days before our departure to the competition the doctor diagnosed that she has a stage 4 cancer in her body. I know she's sad, but she never showed it to us. She continued to gave us spirit to fight without her, so we have a brave heart to compete.



The night before SRC we text her, and she replied with words of wisdom. Just like our own mother and she's asking about how we doing there, the cultural night, the people who's asking for her because she's famous in that congress. I wonder how proud she is, even though we didn't won the SRC, at least we are competed with others and do it our self without any companion from our university's dean. So independent! But we won the cultural night, the runner up, and I do remember she told us to ask to the committee about getting a certificate for it. She's pushing us to get it even the LOC didn't provide it, funny though.

Today, I saw her laying in bad, looks very weak, she barely can't move her own hands and open up her eyes. But, She can hear us talking and she'll shake her head to show us that she's listening. Too sad seeing a person who used to be strong even if they're sick, and now they can't do anything, any single thing on their own. How I miss seeing her well, not laying in bed like that. Because, She used to be very strong then if she's like that it means it hurt her so much. When suddenly she can open her eyes, it feels like a miracle happened. Seeing your eyes open up is like a blessing for us, it's like a hope even it's a small hope, it still called hope. The way she hold the Rosario is painful to see, cause her hands is swallow and bruised. Please take the pain off her body, oh my dear God.

I can't wait to hear your warm hello and your spirit booster everytime we meet.
I know you are strong enough to get through this, cause you used to.
Sending you my prayer my dear drg. Nugrohowati, Sp. KG